I was in the doctor’s office yesterday afternoon for a CT scan to determine the cause of that pesky hematuria. In case you never noticed, the doctor’s office is a great place for people watching.
The following were my waiting room-mates and some of the reasons why I’d like to avoid visiting the doctor any time in the near future (other than the I don't want to be sick reason):
1. The Cougher. In a tiny waiting room, there is nothing worse than a person who might be spreading a highly contagious disease. I’ve already got blood in my pee. I don’t need some stupid lung ailment too.
2. The Dude With the Germ Mask. As much as I dislike The Cougher, I can’t help but think this guy knows what he’s doing. Maybe I should start wearing one of those things.
3. The Stinker. For Pete’s sake, shower before you go to the doctor’s office. And please don't sit next to me.
4. The Kids. I once had a small child so you’d think I’d have sympathy for the parents who have to drag their kids to the doctor’s office. But, really, all I do is cross my fingers and hope that they get in to see the doctor quickly because I was once THAT mom. I know what nightmare kids can be when boredom hits.
5. The Flirt. She flirted with my husband in the waiting room. Right in front of me. Like seriously, that ho-bag needed to knock it the hell off.
6. The Eater. Hey, I’d like to have some Cheetos too but I can’t because I have to fast before this stupid test. That means I’m very, very hungry. And very, very grouchy. And very, very tempted to rip that bag out of your hand and suffocate you with it.
7. The Talker. Sometimes, I don’t mind talking in the doctor’s office but yesterday I was feeling anxious and clearly not in the mood. Apparently my “Yes” and “No” answers weren’t a tip off. Neither was the way I kept my attention on a magazine. But that didn’t matter. The Talker never seems to care what her neighbor is in the mood for.
8. The Asshole. You know the one, the guy who talks about how his mother’s sister’s brother’s neighbor had a stomach ache, went to the doctors, found out it was terminal and died three days later. Shut. Up. Now.
9. The Sleeper. This is my husband. He is somehow able to sit down in a doctor’s office shut his eyes, and stay that way until they call him into the exam room. It drives me crazy because I am ...
10. The Nervous Wreck. That person who thinks every ache and pain is something serious. The one who pesters the nurses for details and cries because she’s so terrified. The one who hyperventilates the whole time. The one who makes the whole stupid test miserable for everyone around her.
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