An Update on the Chore Wars

Remember the blog I wrote about wanting (needing) Bill to help out more with the chores? (If you missed it, you can read it here: How Much Does Your Partner, Spouse or Significant Other Help With Chores.) I wanted to give you an update on how things are going in the McGinnis house since that post. (I promise not to keep beating this dead horse but I really need to vent!)

While I'd like to tell you that things are much improved and Bill is helping out more, I can't. When it comes to chores, our situation is not any better and if you can believe this, it may actually be a little worse.

Before I tell you what has me so irritated, keep in mind that I love my husband very much and know I am lucky to have him. He has many wonderful traits. He buys me flowers and candy, never forgets our anniversary (which I have been guilty of), works hard, is a great father has never told me no when I wanted to try something new (leave a good job and good salary to write and work from home for lower pay) and has offered an unbelievable amount of support at some of my crazy ideas and plans. In spite of all that good stuff, we still don't see eye-to-eye on on chores. Here's what happened earlier this week:

Every Tuesday, Bill golfs after work and I go to the gym. Typically he gets home around 6 pm, about 30 minutes before me. When I got home last Tuesday he was sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper (because golfing with your buddies is stressful and you need to relax after a game.) He looked up, said hello and asked me what was for dinner. The answer was nothing.  You want to know why there was nothing for dinner? Because I spent the day working, just like him. In addition, I was busy emptying the dishwasher, folding and putting away the laundry, pulling weeds out of the flower beds, running the sweeper, making homemade spaghetti sauce out of the mountain of tomatoes from our garden so they didn't go to waste and cleaning two of the three bathrooms in our house. I think I actually expended less energy during the time I was at the gym.

Unfortunately, this is not what I saw when I got home on Tuesday.

And speaking of the gym, I suppose I could have skipped it. What was I thinking being so indulgent!   Instead of exercising, I could have gone to the grocery store, bought a few items, cooked dinner and waited for Bill to get home. While dinner was cooking I could have cleaned that third bathroom. Or – and here's a nice little idea – Bill could have stopped at the grocery store on his way home from golf, picked up a bag of hot dog buns (there are always hot dogs in our freezer) thrown them on the grill, opened a bag of potato chips and we could have had a nice dinner on the patio. It's not hard or time consuming. I've been doing it that way every Tuesday for months! (After I explained that, Bill went downstairs claiming he was going to clean the garage. Of course we all know he was just trying to escape my bitching.)

What really bugs me is that, in spite of 20 years of “discussion” on the subject (some becoming a little heated), I'm still the one who is expected to buy the groceries and get dinner on the table every night. Does it really never occur to him to make dinner once a week...or even once a month. Hell, I'm shooting for once a year at this point!

I certainly didn't intend for this to be pick-on-Bill-week and I admit, I've taken a few shots at him recently. (Is Your Husband a Big Baby When He's Sick?) but I don't think I'm being unreasonable in expecting him to help out around the house, be a little more considerate and stop thinking of me as the hired help!

And in case you're curious, that cold didn't hurt his golf game. He shot a 44 – a personal best.

A Diet Update - The Benefit of Small Changes

I got on the scale this morning and...yippee!...I lost 2.6 pounds!

While I know two and half pounds isn't a substantial amount of weight to lose in a two week period, I'm thrilled to have stopped adding pounds. (Read about how I gained weight my first week of dieting here).

I attribute the weight lose to a few minor changes. Last week I didn't snack (as much) between meals, stopped eating fried foods and started eating more vegetables. I also went an entire week without a McDonald's run, which was something that hasn't happened in about 20 years.

Here's what I learned during my first real week of dieting:

1. I am a serial-snacker. I put a reasonable effort into eating healthy, low calorie meals. The problem comes when I pass through the kitchen and suddenly have the overwhelming urge to eat a cookie or a handful of potato chips just because they are there. Before last week I never ate when I was hungry because – and this is embarrassing to admit – I was never hungry. Throughout the day I stuffed so much junk in my mouth that my body rarely had the opportunity to experience real hunger.

2. After a week of eating no fried food, the thought of eating fried food is completely unappealing. Bill and I went out to eat on Saturday night (we've done a lot of that since Justin left for college.) He got a fried fish sandwich and I had a salad with grilled chicken. Very un-Danielle-like.

3. I haven't completely given up cookies and cake, nor do I intend to.

4. I'm not giving up bacon either. Ever. I did cut back from two slices with breakfast to one. (And yes, I eat bacon every day. Shame on me.)

5. Major dieting and lifestyle changes don't work for me. They leave me feeling deprived and resentful. Implementing one or two small changes per week makes dieting feel like less of a nuisance.
   
   
6. It's hard to lose weight without exercising. Actually, it's pretty darn impossible, especially after age 40. In my 30s, when I wanted to drop a few pounds I would quit eating carbs for a few days and the weight would come off. That doesn't cut it any more.
   
   
7. Dieting sucks. There is no sugarcoating it. In the first few week it felt like the results hardly equal the effort. You have to change bad habits, find new ways to comfort yourself, regularly avoid temptation and squeeze exercise into an already busy schedule. It's hard work that requires patience and diligence (of which I lack).  There are also times when I'm hungry and grouchy and most of my clothes still don't fit.

What keeps me going is my competitive spirit and the health benefits. About two years ago, after gradually gaining 10 pounds, my blood pressure went up. Then about 6 months ago, after gaining 5 more pounds, I developed acid reflux. Although I don't have to take blood pressure medication, for someone who always had unusually low blood pressure, the change in numbers was an eye opener. As for the acid reflux, it's painful and I take prescription meds each day to control it. At a recent appointment my doctor mentioned that losing weight could alleviate it.

Keeping that in mind, I'm off to make breakfast. Today it will be a low cal, low fat blueberry muffin, one piece of bacon and a diet Mountain Dew (I'm not giving that up either!)

Is Your Husband A Big Baby When He's Sick?

Mine is. Remember that cold Justin had last week? (You can read about it here: How Much Do You Worry About Your Kids?) On Saturday Bill and I both showed signs of catching it and by Sunday morning we both had a runny noses and were sneezing. Because we already had plans to attend the Shadyside Arts Festival and because it wasn't a horrible cold, there didn't seem to be a need to change our plans.

We bought two pottery jars to hold M&Ms and Heshey Kisses.

I've been looking forward to the arts festival for weeks. Bill and I first attended it in 1989, before we were married. We stopped going when Justin was 2 years old and wouldn't stay in his stroller, touched everything and was a complete terror running in and out of displays. (I may miss him horribly now that he is in college but I will never miss those exhausting toddler years.) After Justin was older, we were usually traveling for his baseball or soccer games during the time the festival was held. With him settled in college, this our first opportunity to attend in 16 years. Cold or no cold, we were going!

Ten minutes after we pulled out of the driveway the trouble started. Bill started sighing. Long, loud sighs. That was followed by some groaning. Initially I acted like I didn't notice the noises coming out of him but when they got longer and louder (clearly he was trying to get my attention) I felt obligated to ask what was wrong.

Me: Why are you sighing and groaning?

Bill - I have a cold! I don't feel well. I'm trying to drive and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. My arms feel like lead. My legs are so weak. I don't know how I'm going to walk around feeling like this. I'm so sick!

OMG! Was he serious!

Me – It's just a cold. I have the same cold and it's not that bad. Justin had it last week and it didn't slow him down.

Bill – Well he's younger and mine is worse!

Me (with a sarcastic tone) - Of course it is.

Bill – You know I'm terrible when I'm sick.

(After 22 years, I know that quite well)

Me – It's just a cold. Have a tissue.

He takes the tissue, sighs again and makes a big production out of blowing his nose. I roll my eyes. Normally Bill is a big, strong, healthy guy.  He is a hard worker who can function at his peak on just a few hours of sleep. But at the first sign of sniffles he turns in to a whining, helpless baby. 

If we had stayed home, I guarantee he would have spent the day laying on the couch moaning and asking me to get him things (the remote, a drink, Tylenol, soup) completely forgetting that I have the same cold.

Since I am a big meanie, I "forced" him to go to the festival. Bill trudged around on his weak legs, struggling to keep his eyes open. I gave him a constant supply of tissues, ignored the complaining and distracted him from his cold by talking about going out to eat after the festival. That gave him something to look forward to because, as we all know, Bill loves to eat. 

Once he got caught up in the music and the atmosphere, he got perkier and eventually showed an interest in what was going on around him. Later when we went out to eat, you'll never guess what happened. He downed two beers and ate every crumb of an appetizer and huge dinner (um...hardly the sign of someone who's really sick.)

Drama queen!

Justin's Big Move to Marietta

Here are highlights from moving day:

I still can't believe how much we stuff packed in the car!

On Thursday, Bill, Justin and I made the three hour trip to Marietta College in a car packed with so much stuff there was hardly room for the three of us. I have a tendency to over pack and this trip was no exception.  I was throwing extra clothes and shoes into boxes until the moment we pulled out of the driveway.

Once we got to the school and parked in front of Justin's dorm, our car was surrounded by about 20 Marietta students who moved every single box - including a refrigerator and air conditioner - into Justin's room on the third floor. Bill and I found that was totally awesome since we both had been dreading the thought carrying all that stuff to the third floor. You'd think I'd welcome the exercise but to be perfectly honest, the idea of repeatedly climbing three flights of stairs was a total turn off. (Unfortunately, I heard that is a perk for incoming Freshman only and we're on our own from now on.)

Bill trying to figure out where to put the refrigerator.

Justin's dorm was built in 1965 and clearly had never been remodeled.  It was old but clean. His room was bigger than most and typical with dresser drawers and closets with no doors built into the wall, two desks which were bolted to the wall (we realized that when we tried to rearrange the furniture) and a bunk bed. He and Mike, his roommate, wanted to "unbunk" the beds but there wasn't enough space to separate them.

We got Justin unpacked and chatted with Mike and his parents (who happen to live only 10 miles from us) before the kids had to leave for orientation. Bill and I attended a dinner held for the parents of incoming students. The food was so good, my diet went right out the window. We had roasted chicken breasts, beef tenderloin, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls and salad. There was also a dessert table with about 12 different desserts and I will admit, I hit it hard! (Moving your kid to college is stressful and I find cake to be great stress reliever!)

Justin got the top bunk.  That's a teddy bear from Julianna.

After dinner we stopped in the bookstore to pick up Justin's books, made a quick grocery run for snacks and few other things we forgot, said good-bye to Justin and were on our way. 

Marietta has an intense four day orientation program which started at 4 pm Thursday and continues until 9 pm Sunday night so Justin didn't have time to hang out with Bill and me, nor did he want to. And besides, although everyone at Marietta was friendly, the general feel around the campus was “drop your kid off and go home.” (Obviously necessary or you'd have some parents following their kids around all weekend.)

Justin's day started this morning at 7 am when he and the other new students had breakfast with their advisers and turned in papers they were required write after completing assigned summer reading. He will be busy all day today and has a riverboat cruise and dance this evening. Baseball starts on Sunday and classes start on Monday.  Exciting stuff! 

If you'd like read about how I felt in the weeks leading up to his move check out the post Are You Ready For Justin To Leave For College?

Here are a few more pictures: 

Justin started his day with a 12 inch sub. That's his typical breakfast choice.

The new football stadium.

All new students got a booklet of do's and don'ts and a pack of Marietta cookies.  Guess who ate the cookies. (I'll give you a hint, it wasn't Bill or Justin.)

Justin and his roommate Mike. Although they never actually met in high school, they did play against each other in baseball several times. Mike is a pitcher and Justin is an outfielder.

Bill unpacking the refrigerator.

Justin trying out his desk. (Right after I took this picture I attacked the pack of cookies.)

Two Awesome Zucchini Recipes

Last week our little garden exploded with zucchini. In one day I picked eight!  I gave several away and still had six that I wasn't sure how to prepare.  (The family is getting a little bored with fried zucchini and zucchini bread.)

I did a quick online search on Allrecipes.com and found two recipes - one for zucchini brownies and the other for grilled zucchini - which I'm happy to share.  I tried them both and they're awesome. For other great recipes check out the post Do You Have A Vegetable Garden?

Have a great day. I'll be back tomorrow with highlights of Justin's big move to college!

Zucchini Brownies

These are moist, chocolaty and so good no one will have any idea zucchini is the main ingredient.

Ingredients:

½ cup vegetable oil

1-1/2 cups white sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

½ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1-1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1 egg

1 teaspoon salt

2 cups shredded zucchini (I recommend placing it in a food processor to chop it very fine)

½ cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Frosting Ingredients

6 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

¼ cup margarine

2 cups confectioners' sugar

¼ cup milk

½ teaspoon vanilla extract.

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour a 9 x 13 inch baking pan.
2. In a large bowl, mix together the egg, oil, sugar and 2 teaspoons of vanilla until well blended. Combine the flour, ½ cup cocoa, baking soda and salt. Stir into the sugar mixture. Fold in the zucchini and walnuts. Spread evenly into the prepared pan. (The batter may seem a bit dry. This is normal. The water in the zucchini will make the brownies moist as they bake.)
3. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in a preheated oven until the brownies spring back when gently touched.
4. To make the frosting, melt together the 6 tablespoons of cocoa and margarine and set aside to cool. In a medium bowl, blend together the confectioners' sugar, milk and ½ teaspoon vanilla. Stir in the cocoa mixture. Spread over cooled brownies before cutting into squares.

Each serving has 209 calories, 8.6 grams of fat and less than 1 mg of cholesterol.

Grilled Zucchini

This recipe is quick, inexpensive and delicious. Doesn't get much better than that!

Ingredients

1 large zucchini

¼ cup Italian-style salad dressing

1. Slice zucchini into ¼ inch slices. Toss the slices in a bowl with Italian dressing and let marinate at least 10 minutes.
2. Place the slices on a hot grill and grill about 4 to 5 minutes or until nice grill marks appear and the zucchini is slightly limp.

Each serving has 74 calories, 5.7 grams of fat and 0 mg of cholesterol.

Making a Dorm Room Feel Like Home

Guest post written by Candace Rogerson.

Since we are busy getting Justin packed and handling last minute details before his move to college, my friend Candace Rogerson is filling in as guest blogger.  I'll be back on Thursday with details and pictures of the big event.  Take it away, Candace:

In just one week, we'll be dropping off our daughter for her freshman year of college. It's already a pretty emotional time for all of us and I don't think it will get easier until a few weeks after we've dropped her off there. But that doesn't mean that we aren't prepared for it. We've been working together during the past month to slowly accumulate all of the things that she'll need during her first year of college.

One of the most important things to her is to make sure that her dorm room feels like a home for her. So we've been working on pulling together a lot of cute decorations to use on her room once we finally get there. When I was researching that, I came across the website CLEARWIREinternet.com. After I looked through it a little bit, I decided to change over my home internet access to it.

We've also bought several picture frames that she can hang up on the walls that she can use for pictures of friends and family. I think that will make a nice touch to the room and also personalize it for her.

Check back on Thursday find out how Justin's move to Marietta went. Have a great day!

How Much Do You Worry About Your Kids?

One of many trips to the doctors for an asthma check-up.

On Sunday, Justin came down with a cold. It wasn't a bad cold but it wasn't a minor one either. Because he has asthma, a cold can turn into a frightening experience. (People with asthma get respiratory infections more often than non-asthmatics and have infections that are more severe and last longer.)

After 14 years of asthma, a cold isn't something I'm now overly concerned about. Justin has had thousands since being diagnosed at age 4. With so much practice treating colds, we know when and what medicine to use to keep his lungs open and when he can and can't exert himself. However, with him leaving for college on Thursday, I can't help but feel anxious. What happens if he gets a cold at school? Will he remember to take his medicine? Will he push himself and get sicker? Will he know when to see a nurse?

Thirteen stitches...ouch!.

I'll admit to being a worrier, especially when it concerns my son's health. We've had several health-related “adventures” in the past 18 years which have added to my anxiety. They've included hundreds of visits to the doctor's office to treat asthma attacks which couldn't be controlled at home, several hospital visits for attacks his pediatrician couldn't treat in the office and one ride in a life flight helicopter when the hospital Justin was currently admitted to couldn't stop a severe attack. That trip included four days in the hospital with two days in the ICU – scary stuff! There was also the time he hit himself on the head with a baseball bat during batting practice resulting in 13 stitches and a concussion; random, freaky nosebleeds which were so bad it looked like someone shot a deer and the fact that (despite my nagging) he never drank enough water before a soccer game and typically ended up dehydrated.

I'll also let you in on an embarrassing confession. Justin turned down a full academic and athletic scholarship at a school about 40 minutes from home and instead chose a college three hours away partially because he was afraid I would be “chasing him around the campus making sure he was wearing his retainer.” (Go ahead and make fun of me.  Those braces weren't cheap!) 

Obviously the kid wants his independence and clearly I need to back off but here's my concern: If he gets really sick or hurt at school, how can I help him when I'll be three hours away?

The answer is, I can't. I have to trust that Bill and I have done a good enough job raising Justin that he is responsible enough to take care of his health. I have to hope that he recognizes the danger signs of an impending asthma attack and I have to put my faith in the fact that he will remember to pre-treat before exercising and have enough sense to stay hydrated. I have no doubt that is going to be an ongoing struggle for me, especially during his first semester.

Have I crossed the line in the worry department or is it normal to feel this way? For anyone who already has kids in college, does the anxiety ever subside? I'd love to hear from you. You can friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter.

Guess How Much Weight I Lost...

After five days of dieting, I had my first weigh-in this morning and you're not going to believe the results! (For a recap read Hello Diet...Good-Bye Cookies. It details how I started a diet last Monday, failed horribly on Tuesday and started fresh on Wednesday.)

I stepped on the scale and learned...that I gained one and half pounds!

That's right, I gained weight.

The Pirate Parrot

I could blame my diet failure on not having enough low cal food in the house, being too busy to go to the gym or resorting to nervous eating at the thought of Justin leaving for college - but I'm not going to make excuses. The bottom line is, I spent the week eating too much and exercising too little. 

For example, on Saturday, Bill, Justin and I and 11 friends hit PNC Park to see the Pirates play the Reds.  I could have gotten up an hour earlier and hit the gym or at least taken a walk around the neighborhood, but I didn't. 

Before the game we had an epic tailgate party with enough food to feed a small country. There were hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken, cookies and brownies.  Name a food, it was there and I ate it – going back for seconds and thirds. During the game I polished off a giant bag of popcorn and after the game everyone went to Chili's where I stuffed myself with the never ending tortilla chops and salsa and three shrimp tacos. (Yep, I ate all three.)

My favorite picture of the kids at the game.

Although I managed to limit my food intake most of last week, I had absolutely no control on Saturday in a party-like setting. That's something I definitely need to work on. With the focus on fun and hanging out with friends and with everyone filling their plates, it was easy to forget that I was counting calories. I was snapped back into reality this morning when I stepped on the scale.

With Bill, Carol and Pete.

To keep from falling into a state of self-loathing, I keep thinking of this quote by Thomas Edison: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work.”

With that in mind, I'm back in the game and learning from my mistakes.  I promise better results next week.

Here a few highlights from the tailgate party and Pirate game:

The kids got airbrush tattoos.  Of course Justin choose a baseball!

Bill and Pete.

 

Tara, Mitch, Julianna and Justin.  Justin and Mitch have been friends since 7th grade.  Tara and Julianna have been friends even longer.

Justin and his "sister" Tara. They've been friends since they were 9 years old.

Looking for a great online shopping site? Try Become.com.

Here's a small confession: I don't enjoy shopping. I don't have the patience to wade through racks of clothing or drive from store to store looking for a particular item. I am, however, a huge fan of online shopping. It's quick, convenient and if you know your way around the internet. you can find some awesome deals.

I recently stumbled on Become.com. Become.com is an online site which offers price comparisons, product reviews and deals on over 25 million products. This week I was looking for three items: a ceiling fan for our bedroom, a sunflower pillow (a gift for a friend who loves sunflowers) and a wrought iron glider for our back porch. Instead of spending a day in the car and in several different stores, Bill and I logged on to Become.com and had our shopping done in less than 30 minutes!

We started with the ceiling fan. Last weekend in Cleveland there was a ceiling fan in the bedroom where we slept. Bill and I both woke up the next morning and said “We need to get of those.” Because of the way the air circulates in our house, our bedroom is always stuffy. A quick check on Become.com and we found thousands to choose from. After sorting the choices based on price and store and then scanning customer ratings, we found the ceiling fan we wanted was being sold by Home Depot and ordered it on the spot.

I briefly lost Bill for a snack break while I searched for the sunflower pillow. (Do you know how hard it is to find one of those things in a store! Trust me, I looked.) Become.com gave me several different pillow choices ranging in price from $20 to $198. Although the $198 pillow was beautiful and this was to be a gift for a great friend, I choose a somewhat cheaper but equally attractive style.

Our last search was for the glider. Become.com gave us several reasonably priced options. We choose an iron double glider for $218 that included free shipping. You got to love free shipping – and you got to love getting your shopping done in less than 30 minutes. Even people who like to browse can have a great time on Become.com. They carry everything from automotive items to clothing to electronics to jewelry. If you have a few minutes, check it out.

Have a nice weekend. I'll be back on Monday to share the results from my first weigh-in, a few low fat recipes I tried and stories about how we spent our last weekend before Justin heads to college.

Hello Diet...Good-Bye Cookies!

You may have noticed in Monday's blog that there were no pictures of me. Let me explain why. Last weekend in Cleveland someone picked up our camera and started snapping pictures. I discovered them after we returned home and although I was happy to see pictures of Bill, Justin and other friends and family, I was completely horrified by the pictures of me.

In every single one I look short, round, lumpy and overweight.

No one forced me to eat all those cheeseburgers!

Honestly, that shouldn't have come as a surprise. Over the past few weeks I've noticed my shorts, even the ones with an elastic waist, have been getting tighter. There are also a few pairs I wore earlier in the summer that I can hardly get one leg into now. Although denial can be my best friend (they shrunk in the drier, it's water weight) my worst fears were confirmed when I stepped on the scale and learned that I now weigh more than I have in my entire life.

The number one reason for my weight gain is a lack of self control. I love to eat. Anyone who has eaten a meal with me knows I have a weakness for sugar and usually eat dessert first. I am also an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, tired, angry or stressed. I usually eat when I'm working because my job can be monotonous and cramming a cookie in my mouth provides a brief but pleasurable distraction. I also eat when I'm relaxing. I wouldn't dream of watching television in the evening without a large bowl of popcorn on my lap. (Ultimate butter – no low cal in the McGinnis house!)

I'll also own up some embarrassing habits which are making me fat. There are times when I will buy a dozen cookies from the bakery at Giant Eagle and eat them in the car on the way home. Every. Single. One. I've also been known to hit the drive-thru at McDonald's on the way to the gym. I do it so often that I'm on a first name basis with most of the employees and am usually greeted with “Hi Danielle, I see you changed your hair color” or “When is Justin leaving for college.” (Note: These people are not my friends. They know me solely based on drive-thru visits.)

After a brief pity party and a day of feeling completely disgusted with myself, I woke up Tuesday morning determined to drop 15 pounds. The plan was to eat 1400 calories per day. I failed miserably and quickly.  Seriously, I ate a hoagie, a thick slice of zucchini bread and a bag of Chex mix for lunch (not a bowl, a bag.)

Today is a new day and I've made a new commitment. This time I will stick with it. To hold myself accountable I'll post my weight loss in the blog every Monday. I may even occasionally bitch about the needle on the scale not moving fast enough, horrible cookie cravings and how being hungry is making me a cranky.  

I'll be looking for as much support as I can get on this journey. If you happen to see me out somewhere eating junk food, feel free to slap it out of my hand. Have a great day! Off to the gym (minus the McDonald's run.)

Are You Ready for Justin to Leave For College?

Since Justin graduated in May, I've been asked that question about a million times by well meaning friends, relatives and acquaintances. Throughout the summer I've had two standard answers: “We still need to get some shopping done.” or “Yes, we have everything bought and he is ready to go.”

What you may notice is that neither of those responses actually answers the question which is – in my opinion – one of the most awful questions a parent about to send their kid to college can hear. Seriously, each time I'm asked, it's like a stab in the heart.

Did you ever have one of those moments when you have to respond politely but wish you could give an honest (and completely different) answer to a question?  Whenever I'm asked "Are you ready for Justin to leave for college?" I have one of those moments.  Here is the answer I wish I could give:

Am I physically ready? Kind of. Everything is bought and spread out all over his bedroom. There are books, notebooks, a hamper, new clothes and shoes and groceries piled in there. I would love to get all that crap out of his room and give it a good cleaning but I don't want to think about the next time I'll be able to do that because that room will be empty.

Am I emotionally ready? Hell no! Is any parent ever mentally prepared to send their kids off into the world? (Especially one who still forgets to wear his retainer, take his asthma medicine or lock the front door when he comes in.) I'm not ready for the empty house. I'll miss the stinky baseball uniform in the laundry and I'm wondering what the heck my husband and I will have to talk about. I'll tell you what I'm ready for.  I'm ready to step in a time machine, dial it back about 15 years and start over. 

Do you have any idea how I can do that?

Summer Fun: The Perfect Weekend

Julianna and Justin with Maddie, Kyle, Patrick and Nick

With only 11 days until Justin leaves for college he, Bill and I decided we would spend the weekend doing nothing but having fun.  That meant no going to work, no talking about work and no complaining allowed!

We started on Friday after Justin and I  persuaded Bill leave work early and join us at a water park. (Bill is a workaholic and the fact that he came along was a rare opportunity!) 

Bill and Maddie

The three of us spent the day at Sandcastles in Pittsburgh hitting all the slides several times, swimming and, of course, eating a ton of junk food. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day. The sun was shining, the humidity was gone and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. The only downside was how sore my body was the next day - and still is three days later!

Patrick and Lauren

On Saturday morning the three of us, plus Justin's girlfriend Julianna, piled in the car drove to Cleveland to spend the rest of the weekend with Justin's favorite cousins - seven of them ranging in age for 4 to 12.  This would be Justin's last visit with them before leaving for college - but we didn't dwell on that. The focus was on having fun. We swam, grilled hamburgers and hot dogs and had a cornhole tournament. After dark, the adults sat around a bonfire and the kids (Justin and Julianna included) played hide and seek.

Justin, Patrick and Nick watching a baseball game on television.

Sunday morning we all got together for an awesome brunch before heading home. (I ate way to much and started a diet today. More on that later this week.) 

All in all, it was the perfect weekend!

How Much Does Your Spouse, Partner or Significant Other Help With Chores?

This year Bill and I celebrated our 20^th anniversary. In two decades together we've argued about the same things as most couples – money, sex, kids, work and chores - and been able to resolve or find a compromise on four out of the five. The only exception is chores. On a scale of 1 to 10, (with 1 being he does absolutely nothing and 10 being he walks behind me picking up crumbs off the floor) my husband is a 3.

Bill is a great guy who does plenty of awesome things (sometimes I get breakfast in bed for absolutely no reason) but convincing him to help with chores has been a problem since Day 1. Our first major argument occurred when we returned from our honeymoon and he randomly announced that he would not, under any circumstances, clean a toilet.

Or take this little gem which occurred one summer when we were vacationing with five other families and it was our turn to make dinner. (Although I say our turn, I actually mean my turn.) Bill's contribution was suggesting we make fajitas. I thought it was a great idea until I spent an entire afternoon chopping vegetables, marinating chicken, making Spanish rice (from scratch – what was I thinking!) and baking three different desserts.

While the chopping, baking and marinating was going on, my requests for help were ignored as Bill played Crazy Eights, ate a pan of brownies, laid on the beach, drank beer and then played a couple rounds of volleyball. At one point I went searching for him to beg for help and I found him laying in the pool napping.

Here's another example. A typical exchange between us on a Saturday afternoon goes something like this:

Me – Will you run the sweeper on the steps?

Bill – Sure.

Me (an hour later) – Could you run the sweeper on the steps...please.

Bill – I will.

Me (another hour later) – Run. The. Sweeper.

Bill – No problem.

Me (three hours after the original request) – Run the damn sweeper!

Bill – I said I'd do it. You don't need to yell!

Over the years I've tried several different approaches. I've nicely asked him to help out more.  I've started sentences with “When you have a minute could you...” giving him the option to complete a chore when he was ready. (He never is.)  

Bill has several meals that he loves and at the suggestion of a friend I once promised to make his favorite if he would clean a bathroom. When that didn't work, I briefly boycotted cooking altogether saying I didn't have time to make dinner because I was busy doing all the other chores. 

The end result is always the same. Regardless of how I ask, it eventually turns into me pleading, then yelling and then doing the chore myself.  I'm at the end of my rope on this issue.  How much does your spouse help with household chores? And if you have any ideas which worked for you, please share. I'm desperate!

Ten Lessons To Live Your Life By

I came across these ten life lessons while reading a book by Natasha Munson called  Life Lessons For My Sisters: How to Make Wise Choices and Live a Life You Love!  It is a great read for anyone regardless of gender, age or race. I loved her lessons so much, I couldn't wait to share:

Develop loving relationships. Show a genuine interest in other people's thoughts and feelings, listen when they talk and don't force your opinions on anyone. Step off the gossip train and make every effort to stay in touch with your friends and family. Take care of the of the people around you and they will take care of you in return.

Judge people on their actions not their words. Remind yourself of the old saying “Actions speak louder than words” and the fact that nobody is perfect. Remember that everyone gets frustrated, upset, angry or tired. We have all said unkind words in the heat of the moment which we may not have really meant. Pay less attention to what someone says and focus more on their actions and character.

Justin's plan has always been to play baseball in college.

Determine your life. Make a plan, set goals and and work towards achieving them. If you find you've chosen the wrong path, realize that nothing is set in stone. It's never to late to adjust or completely change your focus.

Never let anyone abuse you in any way. That includes physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse along with physical neglect. Regardless of how an abuser may try to justify his or her behavior, abuse is always wrong.

Expand your horizons. No one on their deathbed has ever said, “I am so glad I did nothing with my life.” Resolve to learn something new each day. Use every available opportunity to travel, take classes, read, learn to tap dance, make new friends or try a new hobby.

Know what you will and will not stand for. You may be for or against abortion, democrat or republican, Catholic, Protestant or not even follow an organized religion. You are entitled to your own feelings and opinions. Know what you believe in, be comfortable with your choices and don't ever hurt anyone over your beliefs.

Bill coached baseball for 14 of the last 18 years.

Share your knowledge. Mentor a new employee at work, teach your children, grandchildren or neighbors how to make a secret family recipe, coach a sports team or volunteer at the library or in a classroom.

Don't judge yourself or limit yourself by what others believe or perceive of you. If you disagree with someone's perception of you, consider why they feel that way and change your behavior to reflect the person you really are. If someone says you can't do something, prove them wrong.

Save money. And then save more. Chances are you will never have enough.

Find happiness within yourself – Don't relay on others make you happy.  The only person responsible for your happiness is you.  Understanding what makes you feel good will help you reach your goals and bring a sense of peace and fulfillment.

Do you have any of your own life lessons?  Please share!

PMS: There Is No Good. It's All Bad and Ugly!

Let me preface this post by saying I try to be kind and polite. I do not make a habit of behaving rudely and try to follow the “Treat Others the Way You Want To Be Treated" rule.  Most of the time, it is not a problem. The first few days of each month when PMS hits and I turn into something resembling a nasty, rabid animal, it is pretty much impossible. Here is what happened this weekend:

PMS can take me from this...

On Friday evening Bill and I went to a diner we've eaten at several times. The food is awesome, the portions are large and the prices are great. I ordered a buffalo chicken salad, something I've had there several times. When the salad arrived, it was topped with plain grilled chicken.  I pointed that out to the waitress and she said she would bring buffalo sauce. Ten minutes later, she brought a cup of something pink and lumpy that resembled Thousand Island dressing.  I asked her if it was buffalo sauce. She said, “I don't know.” I asked if she could toss the grilled chicken in buffalo sauce and not the pink, lumpy stuff and she said, “I don't know.”

At that point I must have appeared demonic or growled or gave some other indication that evil was about to pour out of me because Bill's face showed shock and fear and he muttered “Oh no...”

I won't give a word for word account of what happened between me and the waitress but it was heated and loud (the restaurant was packed and people were staring). It ended with me saying “I don't even want that damn salad!”

The waitress took the salad and Bill went back to eating as if nothing happened. We have been together for 22 years and he knows when to stay quiet. There was also a cheeseburger in front of him which made it easier for him to ignore me (this is a man who wouldn't notice the house was on fire if he was in the middle of a meal.)

...to this!

Five minutes later the waitress reappears with the correct salad. She smiles and says “Is that what you wanted?” I force a smile, thank her and ask for more sweet tea.   There is a long pause and she now has a look shock and fear. She takes a deep breath, tells me they are out of sweet tea and suggests a Sprite. By now Bill has finished his cheeseburger and speaks. He says “You love Sprite! Bring the Sprite.” I don't love Sprite. I don't even like Sprite. 

After the waitress leaves to get the Sprite I start hissing at him, “Sprite? You know I don't like Sprite! Are you ordering for me now?” I go on and on. Bill stays calm and tells me he was trying to spare the waitress the verbal abuse he is now receiving. I accuse him of taking “her side.” He reminds me there are no “sides,” that we are there to eat dinner and that I should stop yelling at people.

He was right.  By that time I was hungry, angry, embarrassed and sad. I tried not to cry. Granted, the service not very good but my reaction was extreme. I felt bad for the way I behaved. I ate the salad and drank the Sprite. I also apologized like crazy to the waitress and left her a big tip as a peace offering. As we walked out of the restaurant I felt like everyone was looking at me saying “That woman is such a bitch!” and I wanted to say “I'm not really this way. It's PMS!”

Am I not proud of the way I acted and I am ashamed of the things I say and do when the hormones are raging. Even writing about it a few days later, I am cringing. The thing is, as make my way through my 40s I notice that my PMS is getting worse.  Yikes!

Have you found any methods for treating the mood swings that come with PMS? Have you had success minimizing the symptoms with over the counter medications, diet or exercise?  How patient is your partner when your hormones are out of control? (Once Bill covered his head and ran out of the room because I was about to throw a pot.) You can post here or find me on Twitter or Facebook.