Three Communication Mistakes That Will Hurt Any Relationship

In the not so distant future, Bill and I will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. No relationship is perfect, especially ours. We've had good times and bad times and that's okay. That's normal.

While there is no secret to a successful relationship, the one thing we learned along the way is that most of our relationship problems – romantic and otherwise - were caused by poor communication. Here are three mistakes we've made (and sometimes still make) and how we work through them:

Misunderstanding Words and Actions - If you know Bill, you know he's not a chatty kind of guy. When there's an issue between us, he'd prefer to be alone, work it out in his own mind and then discuss it an hour or even a day later. I'd rather talk about it NOW and always viewed his silence as selfishness and indifference to my feelings.

My impatience and the way I failed to recognize that Bill needed to process the information I was presenting (sometimes screaming) caused minor disagreements to become really, REALLY ugly.

 A my-way-or-the-highway attitude never works in relationships. We all know that but often forget it. Practicing patience, not jumping to conclusions, not assuming I always knew what Bill is thinking and asking for clarification has helped our relationship tremendously. It's kind of embarrassing that it took me two decades to figure that out.

Not Talking Enough – When Bill and I were dating, and during the first few years of our marriage, he'd call me every morning at 10 am. Eventually the calls dwindled to the point where he'd call two or three times a week and then only when he needed (to know) something.

In a long-term relationship, most couples reach a point where they feel like they don't communicate as much as they used to. We were no exception. Bill and I had our routine - wake-up, shower, go to work, make dinner, run Justin to various activities, veg out in front of the television and then go to bed - and talking to each other was rarely included.

With Justin in college, we've realized that the simplest fix for not communicating enough is to recognize that you're no longer communicating like you once did. Now we make a point to go out to dinner together, just the two of us and we're working together, remodeling the basement. (More on that later.) While we still don't talk much on the phone, we do text each other throughout the day, even if it's only to say “Good morning!”

Needing to Be Right – There have been many times when neither of us could back down from an argument because we were right, we knew it and we HAD to prove it. So that dead horse got beat until one of us gave in, usually out of exhaustion. Then one day I caught Dr. Phil saying to an extremely unhappy couple “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” and it really hit home.

Looking back, I can't believe how much time we wasted on stubborn arguments. Being right isn't as important as having an open line of communication...and being happy. Seeing things from Bill's point of view may not change how I feel but it does help me look things in a different way and learn something new.

You might also want check out these  8 Big Relationship Issues  that could spell trouble for you and your significant other.

Do you and your partner talk enough?  Does he or she always need to be right? Has your arguing/communicating style changed as your relationship progressed?  Friend me on Facebook, find me on Twitter or email me at mcginn8@yahoo.com.