A Letter to An Old Friend Who Has Deserted Me

In a previous blog I wrote a letter to my 18 year old self. Since I'm still in a letter writing mood I thought that today I would write a letter to my old, but elusive friend sleep. Sleep and I haven't been getting along lately but I'm hoping we can work things out and become close again.

Dear Sleep,

Remember me? I miss you. I really, REALLY miss you. Since I've hit menopause things just haven't been the same between us and I can honestly say, I had no idea this was going to happen. When people talk about menopause it's all “I've got hot flashes” and “I'm so moody.” No one ever mentioned that you would abandon me during this difficult time. I know you and I never had a perfect relationship but does it really have to be this hard? Are we ever going to be what we were? Can we make it work?

Yes I know I get a four hours of time with you each night before you run off, but that isn't enough. Call me selfish or greedy, but I want more. I want like 7 or 8 hours of uninterrupted time with you. I want you to be there at 4 am when I wake up burning hot, wired and unable to find your comforting arms.

I have this crazy fantasy where you and I spend the entire night alone together, all cozy and warm. But who am I kidding? That hasn't happened for at least a year and there's no indication it's going to happen any time soon. I used to love our relationship – it was so simple but now it's all frustration and drama. It's unreliable and inconsistent. It's even stressful at times.

And how dare you get in the way of my marriage! I'm so envious of what you and my husband have. When I'm awake in the middle of the night and see you and Bill all dreamy together, I think “Damn you Sleep! Why don't you love me too?” I can't help but feel resentful. Does your timing have to be so terrible? At 2, 3, and 4 am you're no where to be found but at 2:30 in the afternoon, when I'm trying to plan dinner or finish a writing project that's when you decide to stop by? Really?! So instead of working on my next "award winning" article, I'm crashed out on the chair. And when Bill innocently asks, “Why are you so tired?” I snap at him and grumble something about hormones and sleep hating me. Thanks for that!

I'm sure you would prefer to be with someone younger, someone who doesn't have “female” issues. Someone who is easier to get along with. I know I've been difficult lately but please understand that a younger girl wouldn't appreciate you more, because I really, really, REALLY do value you. I know those younger, non-menopausal women are easier to handle but they will never love you like I do...until they hit their mid-40s too.

Anyway Sleep, our relationship was nice while it lasted. Although we are currently separated, I'm sure this isn't the end. One day when The Change is over we'll start seeing a lot more of each other. For now, I must accept things as they are. I guess I never knew or appreciated what we had until it was gone.

Let's get together soon, okay?

Your Friend, Danielle

P.S. - I found a few Tips for the Best Night's Sleep.  I'm hoping they'll help us be friends again.

Do you feel like sleep has turned his back on you? Have you had trouble sleeping since The Change? Friend me on Facebook, find me on Twitter or email me at mcginn8@yahoo.com.