Fifty Shades vs. A Real Woman's First Time

Okay, I promise I’ll stop talking about Fifty Shades of Grey soon. (If you missed my last Fifty Shades of Grey post, you can read it here: 10 Fifty Shades of Grey Sex Fibs I'm Just Not Believing.)

Have you read the books yet?  If you haven’t and have no idea what their about, I’ll sum them up for you so we can move on: Innocent virgin Ana Steels hooks up with “adventurous” Christian Grey and has the most amazing sex of her life. Every week. Every hour. Every day.

How is that for lucky? It’s like Ana hit the hunky mega-millions and struck orgasm gold at the same time. Yes! Yes! Yes! It’s good to be Ana.

Now that you’ve got the general idea I’d like to point out how Ana’s first time was total BS compared to how things go down in real life.

When I say “total BS” what I mean is the first time I had sex there were no fireworks, no sparks and no Holy Crap, this is the best thing ever feeling. And excuse my TMI but there was no orgasm for me either.

It was more like “This is awkward. What am I supposed to do next? Get up? Go home? Tell my BFF?

Not so for Ana, who managed to orgasm six times within the first 24 hours that she and Christian spent together.

Daaaamnnnn, girl!

Reading that made me sad for my virgin self and for the other girls who haven’t yet had sex and think “So THAT’S what IT'S all about!

If I could have a redo of my first real sexual encounter, I’d make sure it included six big O’s and whatever else it was that Ana got. Except that I can't. And that's not fair.

To all the first-timers – or any timers -- the truth is, Fifty Shades of Grey sex does not exist. It is not real. Yes, it is possible to have mind-blowing hot sex with an astonishing, awe-inspiring orgasm, but FYI: It’s not going to happen every single time. 

Of course we all really wish it did. And yeah, I know the books are fiction and only meant to be entertaining but GEESH…talk about over the top!

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